Tuesday, April 29, 2008

My love/hate relationship with technology...

I'm currently having my students create blogs and contribute to a class wiki as part of our reading The Secret Life of Bees. I think the general idea of the whole thing is going to turn out really, really well, but it is frustrating as heck trying to get there. The set-up process and learning curve are so enormous that it makes me want to yank out my hair. I just have to get over this first hill to the point where they get what they're doing and all will be better.

Something that I've discovered that's interesting about my students is how unwilling they are to problem-solve on their own. It seems as though, if they don't get it the first time, they get completely deflated, give up, and call me over to help them. Where's the eagerness to get in and muck around with stuff until you figure it out? Where's the willingness to make mistakes so you can learn from them? I hope this will teach them that it's okay to do that, especially when you're learning how to do something new.

Other than class today, life is okay. It's getting harder to listen to people talk about school here next year when I know I won't be here. I don't feel at all invested in decisions that are being made because they won't affect me, and staying focused on my work is getting more and more difficult. People are frustrating me too. I don't want people's pity, so I'm trying to stay positive, but just because outwardly I'm smiling doesn't mean that inwardly I'm okay with having people talk carte blanche about next year like it doesn't affect me or bother me. I'm beginning to get a little worried... okay more than a little worried about finding a job for next year and there are some very big questions I need to answer to help me make the right decision, like do I still want to teach? Do I want to do something else? Am I willing to move? If so, where? Out-state Minnesota? Out-of-state? Overseas? Ah!!!!!!!!

I guess that's about it for right now. With any luck, the next post will be less stressed and moe positive. :)

Thursday, April 10, 2008

First non-class related post!

I realized that I haven't posted anthing here in some time, so I felt I probably should do a little updating.

Life went wild in December and the wildness has been changing and shifting in and out of different areas of my life since then. I finished directing The Laramie Project at MGSH last month, which was an incredible experience. The students were so committed and wonderful to work with that I was a sad to see it end, but relieved to have my after school time back. :)

In February I was finally forced to acknowledge that I'm not Superwoman nor am I invincible. My years of perfectionism and people-pleasing finally caught up to me. I discovered that I suffer from anxiety (that's where those panic attacks were coming from!) and am on the road to dealing with it. I'm happy to repotr that I'm doing 10 million times better than I was in February, and I am finally learning to say "no" and not take on quite so much. :)

Bad news quickly follows on the heels of good, though. The school district in which I work--District 279: Osseo Area Schools--failed to pass all of our levy referendum questions this past fall, so we are cutting $16 million from our budget. Elementary schools are closing and people are being let go left and right. My school is faced with the task of cutting 13 positions from our building and is anticipating average class sizes around 40 next year due to our "reduction in force." Needless to say, I'm very concerned about my job, but this situation also brings up questions of whether or not I want to continue teaching if class sizes are going to be that large. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time and not get too stressed out. I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

Despite it all, life is going pretty well. My students are, for the most part, really wonderful. They have their days, some more often than others, but don't we all? We're currently gearing up for the MCA II Test in Reading, which is the test they have to pass to graduate. It's also the test the government uses to measure Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) for the No Child Left Behind Act (NCLB), which I think is, though well-intentioned--a pile of (CRAP). :) My family is doing well and are excited to get up to the cabin this summer to do some painting and remodeling. I've already been to one Twins game this year and I'm ready for the warmer weather and the sun and more Joe Mauer. :)

That's enough for now. Until later...